My Life Is Just One Big Awkward Moment

I am seriously anti-social. I have a slightly dysfunctional personality, needless to say it is almost impossible for me to interact with other people, “socially”.
I could go on forever really with my infamous excuses, “I’m too different”, “too shy” and “I just see the world too differently from everybody else, so I just choose to keep quite so I don’t offend anyone”.

But one thing I never say is (and probably the most truthful); “My life is just too awkward that everything I may say will turn even the most random conversation to an awkwardly uncomfortable one, and we both won’t like it”.

Questions I fear that most are; Do you ever fall in love? Where do you stay? Why are you always so quite? Where is your dad? And mom? Do you have any siblings? Why you never talk about them? And my most embarrassing; Why do you talk to yourself?
Yep, I do talk to myself, not as in thinking out loud but a proper conversation solely, similar to the one two or more people would have, make jokes, laugh out loud and even pat myself on the shoulder for my outstanding sense of humor. All that, by myself.

Maybe I am too afraid to open up to the world because of its judgmental nature, or maybe I’m just an obnoxious a**hole who has made peace with all of his misfortunes and doesn’t care what anybody thinks of him, or at least pretends not to.

I have tried multiple times to be more “social”, but I just tend to be too transparent and honest that I end up embarrassing myself or the person I’m being “social” with, either way, we both don’t enjoy it in the end.

I then created my own little world in my imagination, and so I talk to myself (friends), sing along to my headphones, and dance like nobody is watching.
I will be judged and be called names like “attention seeker” (like I always have) and I just will not pay no attention to it (like I always have), because I understand that they do not know my story, the cards I’ve been dealt, and why I make the choices I do.

Amen.

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