I Write Because I’m Lonely

I often say I blog to practice my writing skills and share words of inspiration simultaneously, but one thing I never say is; I blog because I’m lonely, I have no one to talk to but the four walls I am always caged in.

Stuff most people often share in random conversations with their friends has to be formulated to a blog article with me because I have no friends to share it with, what a damn shame.

I have a very lively personality, interesting thoughts and theories and most importantly, such optimism on life that being around me should be “fun”, but judging by the number of friends I have (being zero by the way) it’s not, I guess my need for honesty, relevance and intellectual compatibility has left me estranged from the rest of the world.

I’ve recently started working again, thank heavens, because I had been cramped in my room for about four months straight apparently “working on my first book” that four days would go by without any interaction with other human beings, believe or not.

I do visit my mom on occasion, talk to my little bro about women and stuff, and chat with big sis from time to time, but mostly I’m all alone with my thoughts that haunt me, trouble me, and so one day I decided that the only way to counter contemplating suicide is to start blogging, share my thoughts with the world and in that way I will feel like I am also contributing something to the world.

I often feel like no one really knows me, understands me, my thoughts, feelings, emotions and the internal struggles I go through every day, they just see the awkwardly perverted a**hole with an “abstract” personality, and that’s me being as lenient with myself as I possibly can.

Honestly I am comfortable with being all alone, almost obsessed in fact, and I’d never trade my “privacy” for anything. Every night that I stay up late in total silence, in complete tranquility, and I start to write, about any and everything that comes to mind, in no certain order but just as according to feeling, are undeniably my most blissful moments.
But nevertheless, I’d still appreciate a random text from a random friend on a random day, even if it is just to remind me that they still remember that I’m still alive.

Amen.

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10 comments

  1. Deanna Willmon · July 13, 2015

    Thanks for posting. I can relate to the blissful feeling of being alone, yet appreciating the occasional social interaction. All the best to you.

    Like

    • Sphesihle Qwabe · July 13, 2015

      Hey Deanna, thank you for reading. It is indeed the best feeling in the world, although it becomes a bit concerning when the world starts forgetting about you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Foghorn The IKonoclast · July 13, 2015

    I try to just go with the flow as I have my doubts also. About everything.

    Like

    • Sphesihle Qwabe · July 13, 2015

      Hey Foghorn, thanks for the comment buddy. The thing about art such as words is it both a gift ad a curse, and you can never have one without the other.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Foghorn The IKonoclast · July 13, 2015

        Yes sir. I am studying Buddhism. I love the nature of the words and practices.

        Like

        • Sphesihle Qwabe · July 14, 2015

          Wow, then you must understand the complexes of our art far more than I do. But nevertheless it is truly a calling, exclusive to the chosen ones if I may say, and truly sacred.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Foghorn The IKonoclast · July 14, 2015

            Oh I very much doubt that I know much at all about the topic and as a Meteorologist I used to discount religion and philosophy. However these ideas and disciplines sharpen our understanding of processes we attributed merely to science.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Sphesihle Qwabe · July 14, 2015

              Exactly, religion is the fundamental basis on all there is on earth, although it is unfortunately manipulated here and there. But knowledge is knowing the lack of it, and that is truly what inspires the edge to acquire more of it.

              Liked by 2 people

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