Me And Women’s Shoes

Before I say anything, I just want to congratulate myself for my new job, well done boy.

I’ve worked too many many jobs in my life to still be flattered by these things but for some strange reason this time I am, and I really don’t know why. Maybe it’s because it came when I most needed it? Or, maybe it’s because I assist women buy shoes, I mean, beautiful women to buy beautiful shoes.

I have only worked for two days but it was long enough for the obsession women have with shoes to be justified to me; women’s shoes are just too adorable, whether it’s boots, shoots, hiker boots, push-ins, pums, open toes, wedges, (my personal favorite) hills, or any other kind.

Every kind is designed specifically unique, and for a newbie as myself a great deal of confusion is suffered, I confuse shoes, and women know them too well to be looted by my incompetence, so I’ve run back and forth like a damn idiot more times than I care to remember (in only two days by the way). The other challenge is I’m colorblind, so all these different shoe colors are rocket science to me, for instance, ink navy, mushroom and my new favorite, “nude”, I really have no idea why a color would be called “nude” but since it’s nudity, this might be the first color I’m able to see.

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I guess I just wanted to say, “Congratulations to myself”.
And ladies, once I’m a shoe guru, I promise to offer some shoe shopping tips.

Bye girls.

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There Are No Shortcuts In Life (a shoplifter’s story)

Today I witnessed a young lady (probably in her early 20s) being caught red-handed shoplifting, and was arrested on the spot. When she was kept in the store’s “naughty corner” awaiting the police, customers gave her judgmental looks and the staff passed very hurtful comments.

Just the other day I had looked at all the security measures retail shops take these days, from clothes tags, surveillance cameras, guards by the door and much more, and wondered how much these cost to set up and maintain, but figured far lesser than being prone to shoplifting.

In that compromised position she was a criminal, so the society had every right to look at her like one. The shop staff that smile each day and sell clothes they can’t even afford themselves felt almost cheated by her, mocked almost and taken for fools because if she thought they were any smarter, she would have figured they’d catch her.1320985

She was committed enough to almost find a way to get away with such a crime at such a sophisticated store, she must be very smart, only if she had directed her smartness at a different angle. Shoplifting is a crime, and even the justice system treat it as such, so grabbing a pair of Luella boots results in a criminal record as same as hijacking.

I just wonder why she did it, it wasn’t poverty because she wasn’t bare-footed. Maybe she and her girls were going to a party, and her crush was going to be there as well and so she really wanted to make a statement, her parents told her they can’t afford a new pair of shoes at the moment and so she opted to “plan B”, and now that she’s all alone in a prison cell she’s thinking was it really worth it? My friends, will they even come see me? And as for him, does he even know all the trouble I went through for him? Does he even care? And my parents, what will they say when they hear I’ve been arrested for shoplifting? What will I say to them? How will I even look at them?

The lesson here is; “there are no shortcuts in life”. There is nothing wrong with wanting the finer things in life, but you have to be willing to work for them. Actions have consequences, so be very careful of what you say or do because in the end it will come back to you in the very same way you had intended it for the next person.

Amen.

I Just Wanna Be Rich

I once heard someone saying “If I never get rich, I have no idea what I’ll do with my life”, and I just thought to myself “Neither would I”.

I desperately want to be rich. I dream like a child, with no limitations, no calculations, no “common sense” whatsoever, and I just want what I want. I want money, lots of it, the finest cars, suits, shoes from Italy, and the best fragrances money can buy. Am I asking for too much?

I am not even that educated, nor overflowing with business ideas, if anything, I seriously suck at business. But all of that will not stop me from getting what I want, nothing will.

I just want everything I’ve never had, a house on the hills for all times I had nowhere to live, the finest cars for all the times I’ve walked, Singapore lobster for all the times I slept hungry, Tom Ford and Versace for all the times I looked like a 70’s pornstar at church, hallelujah, and a girl like Marylyn Monroe for all the nights I slept alone.

I’ve been told “it’s lonely at the top”. Well, guess what, I’ve been lonely at the bottom as well.

One day I will sit on my expensive leather couch, sip on the finest champagne in nothing but my silk underwear, read a book by Gayton McKenzie, remember this day and thank my self for my foolish determination, for if I had been any smarter, I would have figured it’s all impossible at some point and gave in.