My Self-Esteem

To say I have a low self-esteem would be a lie, although I’m sometimes skeptical to call it high.
I think of myself as average in every possible way, and that’s just euphemism for dull as they come.
I do not drink, smoke or club, I spend most of my time indoors writing articles, reading books and watching documentaries on how to acquire wealth; I’m as dull as they come.

When I was younger I wasn’t a very fluent speaker, my aunt would imitate my sloppy voice that I grew up too afraid to voice my thoughts and feelings fearing focus would not be on my content but rather my “funny” voice, funny isn’t it?
In high school I was “slightly” overweight, and at home they treated being fat like a “deficiency”. I remember my aunt showing me the Eddie Murphy movie The Nutty Professor so I knew “the handicaps of being fat”, as if the tight pants that I wore in grade 9 weren’t enough torture, and the fact that a girl I used to crush on once spanked my ass because it looked like a girl’s, damn it.

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I have never been handsome, smart, excelled in academics or athletics that I was a center of attention, and Lord knows how desperate I have been to get noticed somehow.

Am I confident in myself though? I would like to think I am. I have made peace with my “deficiencies”, focused on maximizing my strengths, and realized that what really matters in life is how you impact other peoples’ lives whilst just living your own, hence I have made it a personal mission of mine to make people feel good about themselves.

Again, am I really confident? I am not confident that if I ever asked Beyoncé out she would say yes, but I am confident that with my words I can make someone feel good about themselves as much as I’d like to believe Beyoncé does about herself.

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My aunt really screwed me over, but I’m partly to blame, I should have known making one more sandwich on a full stomach was a bad idea.

I have really struggled fitting in the society, so much that when I think back of college I only imagine the weirdo my classmates must have figured I was, and as for the rest of the schoolmates I doubt they even noticed me as I was defeated by painful hunger pains, abusive background, bad choices and a paraffin stove odor; I have truly come a long way.

God has blessed me; I have been through a storm and because of it I have learned some of the most valuable lessons in life; some which are more valuable than everything I ever learned in college, combined.

And for the last time, am I really confident in myself? Yes, so much that I don’t even need to prove it to no one. My life matters, I know it, I believe in it and I let it shine through every fiber of my being without making it anybody’s burden.

Amen.

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I Wish You Well

I wish on a shooting star,
I wish you are
All you want to be
I wish you are free.

I wish you health,
Happiness, love, wealth
I wish you worth.

I wish all your dreams come true
And they bring you the joy you hope they do
And you have loyal companions too
With best intentions at heart for you,
Like I do.

I wish you wealth
Diamond rings, platinum pearls, gold earrings,
I wish you health,
Oxygen, clean water as pure as your soul is to me,
And for the ground you walk on to worship you,
The birds to sing for you,
And the stars to shine for you.

I wish the starts to shine for you,
better yet, to shine through you.

I wish you life.
I wish you well.

In Time

Time is the most important possession to mankind, it presents infinite opportunities and possibilities, but, unfortunately its importance is never really appreciated in its abundance.
So, if you were to die today, would you be satisfied with the life you have lived so far?

Don’t ever let time pass you by. We often push our hopes, goals, dreams and even our happiness aside, because we think “my time is coming”, and overlooking the time that is already here, it matters too.

Be happy in the present moment, add value to it, let it matter, and count. Being happy is being grateful for the present moment, and even if you’re not driving the car you had hoped to drive by this day, just be grateful for the one you still do drive, drive it happily, and if you don’t drive at all, just be grateful for the feet you do have and take a walk.

The past is a delusion, so is the future. Never dwell on time you have already lost, you can never get it back, and never bite more than you can chew trying to make up for it, you’ll end up missing even the value of the present moment. Never spend too much time thinking about the future either, it will never be the present, and you’ll never truly live chasing the delusion of a happy tomorrow, because it will always be just a day away.

Do something, anything at all, give life and meaning in the present moment. It doesn’t even have to be building a rocket, writing a book or climbing a mountain, just read a book, smile at everyone you greet or take a walk, as long as you can truly appreciate what it entails, and let it enlighten you, lift up your spirit and get something from it, the present moment.
Dwelling on the future is harmful as dwelling in the past, because they both do not really exist.

Amen.