My Life Is Just One Big Awkward Moment

I am seriously anti-social. I have a slightly dysfunctional personality, needless to say it is almost impossible for me to interact with other people, “socially”.
I could go on forever really with my infamous excuses, “I’m too different”, “too shy” and “I just see the world too differently from everybody else, so I just choose to keep quite so I don’t offend anyone”.

But one thing I never say is (and probably the most truthful); “My life is just too awkward that everything I may say will turn even the most random conversation to an awkwardly uncomfortable one, and we both won’t like it”.

Questions I fear that most are; Do you ever fall in love? Where do you stay? Why are you always so quite? Where is your dad? And mom? Do you have any siblings? Why you never talk about them? And my most embarrassing; Why do you talk to yourself?
Yep, I do talk to myself, not as in thinking out loud but a proper conversation solely, similar to the one two or more people would have, make jokes, laugh out loud and even pat myself on the shoulder for my outstanding sense of humor. All that, by myself.

Maybe I am too afraid to open up to the world because of its judgmental nature, or maybe I’m just an obnoxious a**hole who has made peace with all of his misfortunes and doesn’t care what anybody thinks of him, or at least pretends not to.

I have tried multiple times to be more “social”, but I just tend to be too transparent and honest that I end up embarrassing myself or the person I’m being “social” with, either way, we both don’t enjoy it in the end.

I then created my own little world in my imagination, and so I talk to myself (friends), sing along to my headphones, and dance like nobody is watching.
I will be judged and be called names like “attention seeker” (like I always have) and I just will not pay no attention to it (like I always have), because I understand that they do not know my story, the cards I’ve been dealt, and why I make the choices I do.



Kindness Doesn’t Cost A Thing

For a moment, let’s forget about handing a penny to a homeless person, creating soup schemes for kids at your neighborhood homeless shelter, giving out free tablets to primary school learners or awarding bursaries for high school graduates, let us just go back to the basics.

Funding an international plumbing company to install water pipes in Africa means nothing if you do not know the basics of kindness, and the gift of giving love; because it is far valuable than Mustangs and diamonds.
It is now that I realize the importance of being kind, I have recently started working for a Walmart shop and the cashiers are treating us (me and the other new guys) like trash.
Back to the basics, it is really hypocritical to smile at your preacher at church if you fail to smile at the person you work with every day.
Not that I really need much from them, but I just feel it’s standard workplace behavior to be welcoming to new staff so they can adapt quickly, experience a healthy working environment, and not be afraid to talk to you when they need something.

Kindness isn’t only giving out money or free food, but it is also about having the best intentions at heart, smiling genuinely, reaching out to others first and offering your services without even thinking twice whenever they are needed.
How much does that cost?

It has gotten to the point where some of my new colleagues are adopting this attitude as well. Today I heard someone saying “if you give me sh*t attitude I’ll give you that sh*t attitude back”, and it just sounded destructive to me, only kindness inspires kindness. Fighting fire with fire ends up burning everyone, burning bridges compromises mobilization, and being kind to an unkind person shows that that you genuinely have the best intentions at heart, and you are willing to go to all ends for this interaction to be as healthy as possible, and that will not kill you either.

Kindness doesn’t cost a thing.

Blurred Lines

It started off professionally,
As a doctor and patient relationship,
Confident in confidentiality clauses,
To confine us.

We went to being acquaintances,
Customized, to cater for personal needs,
My confidence weakened,
So did my strength,
Caterpillars in my stomach, so my knees weakened,
That I couldn’t stand
being apart from you.

It started off professionally,
Ended up circumstantially, consequentially compromised,
A drug dealer and an addict,
A broken man, only your “fix” could repair me,
Your love, your addictive love,
Your heroin, cocaine, crack, smack,
My confidence, free from confinement
Of confidentiality clauses,
My vision, once so vivid,
Now so blurry, contrast contradictions,
Cause of our buried ethics and morals,

I got lured,
As lines got blurred.

A Letter To My Daughter

Dear Princess

First things first, I just want you to know that I love you and your mother so much that I decided to tell you this short story of me and her;
When we started dating she was still in school, I was also a young man myself and so I made a stupid mistake to ask her to let me have a second girlfriend (had already spotted one), she agreed to it given we break up, and so we did, but in less than four days I was already crawling back to her and begging to be taken back, luckily she did. From that day I respected her so much for she had shown me that she knew exactly what she wanted in a man, and was not willing to settle for anything lesser than that.

Everyone is just looking for love, whether they show it or not, but they’re all desperately yearning for some affection. The most quite kid in class wants the same attention as the loudest one, they just differ in their means to get it; whilst the loud one hopes to get noticed for his “visibility”, the quite one hopes to get noticed for his invisibility. A preacher wants the same attention as a thug, a nun as a prostitute, a Ballard dancer as a stripper, and even God as the devil.

This might sound too cliché, but the only way to get loved by other people is to first love yourself. Think about it, if you fail to see something worth loving in your own self, what makes you think others will see it first? They will only treat you as you treat yourself. Value yourself, be special just the way you are, and never change for no one, for everyone worth being in your life will love and appreciate you just the way you are.

Look in the mirror and say; “boys are not my God’, and repeat it as many times as necessary. It really doesn’t matter how many other girls might want him too, if he only wears Versace clothes and looks like Justin Timberlake, he is still not your God, never worship him. Give him the real you, never sell yourself short because you’re beautiful just the way you are. Still on the subject of boys; Sex is not love. That is, just because he wants to have sex with you, doesn’t necessarily mean that he loves you, and sadly, if he didn’t love you with your clothes on, he still probably won’t with them off either.

Have standards, have class, and never settle for anything lesser than you’re worth. Never demand in others what you cannot get in yourself; never ask for a rich husband without firstly being a rich wife yourself, and before asking for a good man, be a good woman first. Be the prototype of what you’d like to see in the world [in your world].

Being beautiful is not being naked; keep your clothes on baby. Forget what fashion magazines say; no half torn leggings, red lipsticks, pushup bras, and all the make-up in the world can make you beautiful as your character can, beauty is far deeper than just mere physical looks. What’s inside of you, how you think, talk and act is what really matters, and not just a Beyoncé look. Do not just look beautiful, be beautiful.

We live in a very judgmental society, so choose your clothes, tattoos, and lifestyle very carefully because you will be judged based on them. Your behavior on social media will have a huge effect as well; so [too] short skirts, inner thigh tattoos, and vulgar as you Instagram your selfies showing buttocks will say something about you as well, ensure it is what you want people to hear.

Your body is yours and yours alone. Embrace it graciously, respect and protect it, never allow it to be the first thing people recognize in you, be more of a spiritual being than just physical. And lastly, you owe your body to nobody but God. It is his temple after all, and not boys’.

I love you so much baby, and I can’t wait to meet you.

Love, Dad.

Me And My Girlfriend

Today a friend told me my relationship inspires him, and that one day he hopes to get a girl just like mine.

Relationships are a privilege, they are sacred. They are a bond between two complete strangers, strong enough to make them feel like they’ve known each other forever and build such comfort that together they do the undoable, and feel the unimaginable.

Fellas, we often look at what annoys us about our girlfriends, how easily they get mad, provocativeness, how untrusting they can be and their need to always nag about every single thing every single time. We overlook that a girlfriend that nags really cares, and she is literally saying; “your attention is so valued to me that I can’t bear being deprived of it”, “I want you to always notice me”, “and you’re so special that any woman would be so lucky to have you in their lives”. This is for all the women who still see value in their man even when the whole world doesn’t, and help him bring it out for everyone to see as well.

You know it’s real when you can chat with someone the whole day, hang out with them any chance you get, and never tire of their company at all. Feel comfortable enough to talk about anything, tell tales, jokes, and everything else in between that the best news ever do not feel so best until you share them with her first, and the bad news feel like the end of the world until you tell them to her, as soon as she starts to giggle and suddenly turn the whole thing into just a meaningless joke you realize things aren’t that bad as they seem.

Hello baby, I love you so much.