My Self-Esteem

To say I have a low self-esteem would be a lie, although I’m sometimes skeptical to call it high.
I think of myself as average in every possible way, and that’s just euphemism for dull as they come.
I do not drink, smoke or club, I spend most of my time indoors writing articles, reading books and watching documentaries on how to acquire wealth; I’m as dull as they come.

When I was younger I wasn’t a very fluent speaker, my aunt would imitate my sloppy voice that I grew up too afraid to voice my thoughts and feelings fearing focus would not be on my content but rather my “funny” voice, funny isn’t it?
In high school I was “slightly” overweight, and at home they treated being fat like a “deficiency”. I remember my aunt showing me the Eddie Murphy movie The Nutty Professor so I knew “the handicaps of being fat”, as if the tight pants that I wore in grade 9 weren’t enough torture, and the fact that a girl I used to crush on once spanked my ass because it looked like a girl’s, damn it.

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I have never been handsome, smart, excelled in academics or athletics that I was a center of attention, and Lord knows how desperate I have been to get noticed somehow.

Am I confident in myself though? I would like to think I am. I have made peace with my “deficiencies”, focused on maximizing my strengths, and realized that what really matters in life is how you impact other peoples’ lives whilst just living your own, hence I have made it a personal mission of mine to make people feel good about themselves.

Again, am I really confident? I am not confident that if I ever asked Beyoncé out she would say yes, but I am confident that with my words I can make someone feel good about themselves as much as I’d like to believe Beyoncé does about herself.

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My aunt really screwed me over, but I’m partly to blame, I should have known making one more sandwich on a full stomach was a bad idea.

I have really struggled fitting in the society, so much that when I think back of college I only imagine the weirdo my classmates must have figured I was, and as for the rest of the schoolmates I doubt they even noticed me as I was defeated by painful hunger pains, abusive background, bad choices and a paraffin stove odor; I have truly come a long way.

God has blessed me; I have been through a storm and because of it I have learned some of the most valuable lessons in life; some which are more valuable than everything I ever learned in college, combined.

And for the last time, am I really confident in myself? Yes, so much that I don’t even need to prove it to no one. My life matters, I know it, I believe in it and I let it shine through every fiber of my being without making it anybody’s burden.

Amen.

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The One That Got Away

The one that got away,
Is the one that really got to me.
The further away she went,
The closer to my heart she became.

In Hindsight, I was told to look at the bright side,
But love is really that blind
So excuse my colorblind sight,
In Hindsight.

Guess Who’s Back???

It has been a long time since I last posted a blog article, and I am ashamed of myself.
You see, I had made a commitment to myself that I will post about two articles on WordPress every single week, and months have gone by since I have even shared a quote, and it’s a damn shame, because a man is only as good as his word.

Yes I have failed to keep my word, but please hear my plea, because I believe I really have some valid reasons for my “incompetence”.
First of all, things ain’t always that black and white, and your whole life can be turned upside down in just a moment. The last thing I remember is me writing my book peacefully and hoping to publish it soon and buy a stroller for my baby, and then the next moment I had no baby, or book, money, friends and not even a place to stay, and all that in just a blink of an eye.

I then took a job at retail trying to pick up the pieces, and before I knew it, I had went from selling expensive ladies perfumes and underwear to packing tin fish at Walmart and feeling like a damn idiot, and thinking to myself, “at least at my first job I interacted with beautiful ladies”.

I’m a very passionate author, so as much as I know how much of a waste it is for me to be pushing trolleys, packing tills and stock whilst I could have been just writing, I also know I just have to do it, it’s either that or go homeless boy.
And I cross my typist fingers that soon enough someone will spot my potential as I’m standing shamefully behind a trolley. Amen.

And I promise to check in on WordPress whenever I get a chance.

God bless you all.

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Moving On From One Relationship To Another

When is the right time to move one to another relationship? Especially after breaking up with a long time partner; the answer is, whenever you feel ready. But, the tricky part is; feeling ready and being ready isn’t always the same thing; there are many false alarms in between.

Have you ever been in a relationship for so long that it ended up feeling like not a relationship? Like you guys were now siblings, except every now and then you’d roar like a lion and take her panties off using just your teeth, and you know you can’t do that to your real sibling, right?

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The thing about such relationships is; you often take for granted the effect they have on you since they’ve been around forever and the moment they come to an end you realize that “Bae” was more important than you had realized. Some couples develop certain languages, gestures, expressions, or inside jokes that only they understand, and having a joke so good that only “Bae” would understand and she’s no longer here to hear it can kill a man, and because of that you find yourself missing her so much, often the little things you took for granted, the simplest things, her giggle, her odd sense of humor or just the fresh smell of her panties.

Again, when is the right time to start dating again? And be fair to your new partner. In many cases, people subconsciously compare new “Bae” with ex-“Bae”, like “come on man, Ex cooked better, kissed better, and replied texts much quicker”, so much that you end up asking yourself this very dangerous question; Was that thing really worth breaking up over?
I have learned, in hindsight everything doesn’t really seem “that bad”, our minds are biased, they only remember what we want to remember, in other words, you will not remember the boiling kettle she threw at your genitals for liking another girl’s picture on Instagram, but you will remember the makeup sex you guys had afterwards.
But on a more serious note, comparing your previous relationship to your current one denies the current one a chance to thrive, because such judgments are never really objective.

The right time to move on is when you have truly made peace with the previous relationship and how it ended, when you wish nothing but happiness, health, wealth and many orgasms for your ex-partner (if there is such), and when your objectivity has been restored fully that you can enter a new relationship with no baggage from your old one, when you can truly travel light.

With that said, dear Ex, if I ever pitch up at midnight at your house reciting Drake’s lyrics, just know I’ve been at some dodgy club trying to pick up some dodgy women but failed because I’ve been with you forever and so my game is kind of outdated, and my righted hand with more biceps than the left one because I’ve been masturbating like crazy, and I talk nonstop because I’ve been having no one to talk to lately, and I’m drunk as hell begging you to take me back, please just offer me strong coffee, run me a bath and lay me down on your couch and I will wake up the next morning feeling terribly ashamed, apologize for my hysterics and do my walk of shame back home.
Thank you in advance.