The One That Got Away

The one that got away,
Is the one that really got to me.
The further away she went,
The closer to my heart she became.

In Hindsight, I was told to look at the bright side,
But love is really that blind
So excuse my colorblind sight,
In Hindsight.

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Guess Who’s Back???

It has been a long time since I last posted a blog article, and I am ashamed of myself.
You see, I had made a commitment to myself that I will post about two articles on WordPress every single week, and months have gone by since I have even shared a quote, and it’s a damn shame, because a man is only as good as his word.

Yes I have failed to keep my word, but please hear my plea, because I believe I really have some valid reasons for my “incompetence”.
First of all, things ain’t always that black and white, and your whole life can be turned upside down in just a moment. The last thing I remember is me writing my book peacefully and hoping to publish it soon and buy a stroller for my baby, and then the next moment I had no baby, or book, money, friends and not even a place to stay, and all that in just a blink of an eye.

I then took a job at retail trying to pick up the pieces, and before I knew it, I had went from selling expensive ladies perfumes and underwear to packing tin fish at Walmart and feeling like a damn idiot, and thinking to myself, “at least at my first job I interacted with beautiful ladies”.

I’m a very passionate author, so as much as I know how much of a waste it is for me to be pushing trolleys, packing tills and stock whilst I could have been just writing, I also know I just have to do it, it’s either that or go homeless boy.
And I cross my typist fingers that soon enough someone will spot my potential as I’m standing shamefully behind a trolley. Amen.

And I promise to check in on WordPress whenever I get a chance.

God bless you all.

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Moving On From One Relationship To Another

When is the right time to move one to another relationship? Especially after breaking up with a long time partner; the answer is, whenever you feel ready. But, the tricky part is; feeling ready and being ready isn’t always the same thing; there are many false alarms in between.

Have you ever been in a relationship for so long that it ended up feeling like not a relationship? Like you guys were now siblings, except every now and then you’d roar like a lion and take her panties off using just your teeth, and you know you can’t do that to your real sibling, right?

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The thing about such relationships is; you often take for granted the effect they have on you since they’ve been around forever and the moment they come to an end you realize that “Bae” was more important than you had realized. Some couples develop certain languages, gestures, expressions, or inside jokes that only they understand, and having a joke so good that only “Bae” would understand and she’s no longer here to hear it can kill a man, and because of that you find yourself missing her so much, often the little things you took for granted, the simplest things, her giggle, her odd sense of humor or just the fresh smell of her panties.

Again, when is the right time to start dating again? And be fair to your new partner. In many cases, people subconsciously compare new “Bae” with ex-“Bae”, like “come on man, Ex cooked better, kissed better, and replied texts much quicker”, so much that you end up asking yourself this very dangerous question; Was that thing really worth breaking up over?
I have learned, in hindsight everything doesn’t really seem “that bad”, our minds are biased, they only remember what we want to remember, in other words, you will not remember the boiling kettle she threw at your genitals for liking another girl’s picture on Instagram, but you will remember the makeup sex you guys had afterwards.
But on a more serious note, comparing your previous relationship to your current one denies the current one a chance to thrive, because such judgments are never really objective.

The right time to move on is when you have truly made peace with the previous relationship and how it ended, when you wish nothing but happiness, health, wealth and many orgasms for your ex-partner (if there is such), and when your objectivity has been restored fully that you can enter a new relationship with no baggage from your old one, when you can truly travel light.

With that said, dear Ex, if I ever pitch up at midnight at your house reciting Drake’s lyrics, just know I’ve been at some dodgy club trying to pick up some dodgy women but failed because I’ve been with you forever and so my game is kind of outdated, and my righted hand with more biceps than the left one because I’ve been masturbating like crazy, and I talk nonstop because I’ve been having no one to talk to lately, and I’m drunk as hell begging you to take me back, please just offer me strong coffee, run me a bath and lay me down on your couch and I will wake up the next morning feeling terribly ashamed, apologize for my hysterics and do my walk of shame back home.
Thank you in advance.

Friendzoned?

Please bear in mind, this is for my younger brother, he’s only 17.

There is really nothing “friendly” about friendzone. Guys love pretty much everything a cute lady might say to them except for, “Ncooo, you’re so nice”, “you’re like a brother to me”, or always being referred to as “buddy” in every text.

Having a female friend is harmless, only when the friendship is mutual. But, if “you want more”, things get complicated. “Wanting more” doesn’t necessarily classify the relationship as a friendzone, unless she is well aware of your interests and chooses to ignore them deliberately. Then you’re screwed.

I have put together these few techniques on how to avoid being friendzoned.

1. Make your intentions known from the very beginning- This way everyone knows exactly what they are signing up for, and no unwelcome surprises will ambush anyone.
2. Don’t “take things slowly”- This only gets you stuck in the slow lane forever.
3. Never settle for friendship- Being “just friends” with someone you love always ends up hurting you, if not the both of you ultimately.
4. Never talk about her boyfriend- If she says something about her boyfriend, don’t entertain it, or else you’ll end up knowing so much about her relationship that it will be awkward to tell her how you feel.
5. Make dirty jokes- This speeds up the process of knowing whether you stand a chance or nay, because if she hates your dirty jokes, then she won’t get nasty with you.
6. Don’t be intimidated- When she threatens to leave the friendship because you want more, let her, because only having her as a friend equals to not having her at all when you really love her that much.
7. Chances are she loves you too- Girls can tell when a guy likes them, so since she keeps you around, it might mean you do stand a chance after all.
8. Or, she really doesn’t- When a girl is in a relationship, breaks up with her man, overlooks you and finds another man, as difficult as it may sound, move on my man, she really doesn’t like you.

Love yourself enough to never love anyone who doesn’t love you back. So if a person feels they rather be with someone else instead of you, let go of them, they’re not worth it.

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The Forbidden Fruit

It had been almost a year now since they have been “seeing” each other, but still the word “couple” was too farfetched for them, well he was “seeing” her, but sadly, she hardly noticed him back. To him she was the one, but to her he was just [another] one.

She lured him with seduction, and when he was in too deep she told me she already had a husband, but didn’t little bit of play. She added that her ex-play had to be let go because he had started to want more, and she couldn’t offer “more” because it were only reserved for Hubby, who was then more man than the I-want-more ex-play(er), he thought.

Finally he took the bait, of course he would have, he had never seen such beauty, he thought highly of her, and didn’t know play referred to his feelings.

She loved being pampered, being cared for, loved and appreciated, but had no plans to share with him thee one thing he had wanted most, the forbidden fruit. He had agreed to play because he thought play(ing) meant “playing with it”, but instead he became her [second] hubby in every possible way except for one he really yearned for the most, the forbidden fruit. They talked, laughed and play-ed, but just not the game he had signed up for. He, at that time, was vulnerably bare naked, and she on the other hand was still fully clothed as the first day they met, so what was underneath her blouse remained covered by her deceitful smile.

He only longed for her, with his Willy shrunk as his ego. And then his phone rang, they had planned to meet later on that day and he had planned to tell her that she had better give him “some”, or he’d leave her for “some”-one else. He was now ready to walk, he had been for a while now, but the thought of all the money and time he had spent on her made him decide although flesh wouldn’t compensate him, but it would surely console him, so he had stayed one more day, after one more day.
He rushed to the phone, it was a private number, he picked up, and before he could say anything, her seductively soft voice just said;
“I’m pregnant with his child, and I’m sorry to have wasted so much of your time”.

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