To have seen the 1st day of 2015 is just too overwhelming, it is too much of a blessing. Tomorrow is never promised to none of us, so to have seen a new day (let alone a new year) is truly a gift, so let us show our my gratitude by making it count. We have made memories in the with-one-day past year, both good and bad, and yet we still have so much to look forward to in this one as well, God bless us all.
I have a lot to say today, and before I do I just want to remind Devil that he is a liar, he is weak, and he is defeated.
In 2014 He really tried me, my dad passed on after it had been more than just a couple of months since I had last spoken to him, we had had a rocky relationship for years at that point, and when he finally decided to move out home it did not help the situation at all because we just drifted further apart, and had an excuse to comfort us this time. I remember him calling and texting and I just wouldn’t respond because I was still bitter about everything that had happened between us, so you can imagine the pain and the shame I felt when he passed on and I had allowed my pride and bitterness to stand in the way of me fixing things with my old man. Not only that, I also failed to contribute in financing my dad’s funeral. It pained me to see my father being buried with handouts while I was around, helpless and broke as I was, I still felt the shame. My 2014 initial plan was to acquire a driver’s license, but my job paid so little that I couldn’t even afford to do that, I even failed to find a decent place to live, so let alone sending a grown man to his final resting home with some dignity.
I found myself all alone in this cold world. I drifted apart with some of my considered closest friends. I didn’t even realize how intense it had gotten until the time I’d only hear what my “brothers” had been up to (in leisure) from other people, and I’d never get to partake in any of those festivities. But that is no one’s fault really, we just grew apart I guess. I refuse to believe that I outgrew them or vice versa, we just grew apart, that’s it.
I refuse to dwell on life’s negativity, so I have made peace with everything that has happened in the past year and I’m grateful to have made it to 2015 one peace. Honestly I have a lot to be thankful for, I am thankful to this “friend” of mine who once took me out to eat and it just didn’t work out, so in that awkwardly tense silence on our way back home I decided to buy a book, I really had no plans of starting to read but I just wanted to distract myself from the awkwardness and little did I know, that book led to another which led to another, so in just one year I have bought so many books I could open a library, and I’ve even started blogging as well. I haven’t really done that well as a blogger, but every now and then I get that one follower, sometimes even halfway across the world and then I realize that as much as I’m not really that big but had I not started blogging, I would have never had the platform to say something that can reach someone that far from me. Although my job is such a drag but it also taught me a couple of valuable lessons itself. It taught me that not everyone will love you, but as long as you love yourself it shouldn’t matter who doesn’t. People will say negative things about you, but as long as you don’t believe them it doesn’t really matter who does, and my most valuable gift was that it was always so tense that we hardly talked, so we’d listened to the radio most of the time and that helped me gain a new perspective about the world through radio DJs and it reminded me of my lifelong dream, to be a musician, talk of silver linings.
I have learned to appreciate the simpler things in life; my physical health, beautiful music and the good books I always have on my lap, life is good. I have not turned a blind eye on the bigger things as well, though I can’t say the same for the negativity of all that is not going well. With that said, my girlfriend is expecting somewhere mid-2015 and those are the best news I’ve ever received my whole life.
I want to embrace every blessing coming my way this year. I have figured the best way to do that is to be healthy physically, and as a result I have decided to lose some weight. I have also quitted my job (if getting fired right before quitting also qualifies as quitting), I am not lazy but I’m just making way for better things coming my way this year; the plan is to not accept any job offer lesser than what I deserve, and that is something in a PR environment or writing, or both in one job or at the same time, who cares. I listen to the radio every day, I hear a lot of beautiful music daily and the plan is before this year is over my music should be on the radio as well. I want to make new friends as well, but this time only with people who are chasing the same dream as me, corporate professionals, recording artists and other authors as well, people who’ll inspire me for the better and I do the same for them. I have spent many Christmases away from my family and with friends’ families, and this year I would like to go home for Christmas, not that there is anything wrong with my friends’ families but just to say that there is nothing wrong with mine. I have always believed that Johannesburg is where my heart truly was but 2014 has been an epiphany for me, I can survive on my own and anywhere in the world and I don’t have to stay in my comfort zone and avoid contact with the world at large. As a result relocation has been on my mind, so I might be moving to Durban soon, my plan is to move to Cape Town actually, but Durban is still decent I can start there, but before my run is over I will have lived in Cape Town.
But the best news I’m looking forward to in 2015 is the birth of my baby. I can’t wait to see you baby, to hold you in my arms, to stroke you, cuddle you, and to watch a part of me grow in another human being every single day. God has been truly beautiful in my life. I am grateful for everything that has happened in the past year, I am grateful to life, and I am grateful for life.
Thank you. Amen.