Shame

Every time I hear the Zulu accent I fall in love
With a man whom I had once forsaken,
Almost forgotten,
Buried him under my fifty shades
Of efforts to be accepted.

I fall in love with a man I had once suppressed
Expressed resentment and shame towards
Because of his originality, uniqueness,
As cowards,
Had convinced me cowardice was life,
Death, life, lies, truth,
fake smiles in public, and real tears behind closed doors.

The person I had once forsaken, almost forgotten,
Forged death of, in a very dark night with no stars in the sky
Forging the “apparent” enlightenment for the “apparent” new me,
The new free, in shackles and chains
In a very dark night with no stars in the sky,
So dark, that I was so blind, that I couldn’t see again,
That the “apparent” new me was the reason I cry.

Buried in shame, suffocated by my efforts for acceptance,
Estranged, with whom I strive for acceptance of.
Every time I hear the Zulu accent
It reminds me of a man I once was,
were, now in despair, bruised and abused
Dysfunctional, in the dark night,
Shattered, my reflection on my broken mirror is pure darkness,
I cry, tears wet my black eye, under my black eyes
My black skin, black hair, black Pride,
Zulu pride, gone forever
With the man I had once despised
But now more than eager,
Desperate to get back.

Dear Zulu, I am ashamed
I was once ashamed of you.

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